How to Deal With Grief Bursts (When It Hits Out of Nowhere)

You were doing okay. Functioning. Working. Laughing, even. And then—out of nowhere—grief crashes in.

A song in the grocery store. A smell. Maybe you won't even realize what set you off.

These moments are often called grief bursts: sudden waves of emotion that feel disproportionate to the moment but are deeply connected to a loss you’ve experienced. They can be disorienting, embarrassing, exhausting, and frightening—especially if you thought you were past this by now.

Grief Bursts are Normal

A grief burst is an intense, often unexpected surge of grief that can include:

• Crying or tears that feel uncontrollable

• Tightness in the chest or throat

• Anger, panic, sadness, or numbness

• A strong urge to withdraw or escape

They often happen when your nervous system encounters a reminder of what—or who—you lost, even if you’re not consciously thinking about it.

Grief doesn’t move in a straight line. It moves in waves.

What to Do in the Moment

When a grief burst hits, the goal isn’t to stop it. It’s to get through it safely.

1. Ground your body. Bring yourself back into the present moment:

• Put your feet flat on the floor

• Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can feel, 3 you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste

• Practice box breathing – four counts as you breathe in, four counts as you hold it, four counts as you exhale and four counts at the bottom of the breath. Do this until you feel yourself start to calm.

2. Name it to Tame it

You don’t need to analyze it, justify it, or compare it to how others grieve. Silently naming it can help: Focus on the emotion you are feeling, name the emotion or emotions and remind yourself: “This is grief. It’s painful, and it will pass.”

3. It's OK to Cancel

If a grief burst shows up, it’s okay to cancel plans, step away, or do the bare minimum. This could be cancelling plans altogether, going for part of the event, or just taking a couple of minutes in the bathroom to compose yourself.

4. Offer yourself compassion, not correction

Avoid inner voices that say:

• “I should be over this”

• “Why is this still happening?”

• “I was doing so well”

Instead, try:

• “Of course this hurts.”

• “Anyone who loved deeply would feel this.”

• “This makes sense.”

After the Wave Passes

Grief bursts often subside as suddenly as they arrive. When they do:

• Drink water or eat something grounding

• Rest if you can

• Write down what came up—thoughts, memories, sensations

You don’t need to learn a lesson from every grief moment. Sometimes noticing it and surviving it is enough.

When Grief Bursts Feel Overwhelming

If grief bursts are:

• Happening frequently

• Disrupting your ability to function

• Causing you to fear when the next one will arrive

…it may help to have support. Talking with a grief counsellor can give you tools to work with grief rather than feel ambushed by it.

Grief doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It means something mattered.

And those sudden waves? They’re not setbacks. They’re reminders of love, still moving through you—finding new ways to be felt.