The Mourner's Bill of Rights

Grief is something we struggle to deal with as a society. When grieving, you may find people's responses to your needs hurtful or inadequate, but remember they aren't sure what to do. You may get very tired of hearing: "Sorry for your loss," but what they are really saying is: "I love you." When you are grieving, you have to decide which influences you allow in your life, and defend your right to grieve in the way you want to. Here's how to empower yourself to grieve in a way that is right and healing for you.

1. Your grief is your own. No one knows how you feel. Your person was uniquely yours as is your grieving process. You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions, none of which are right or wrong. Find support in people who make space for your feelings without judgement.

2. There are no rules to grieving; no time limits, no way you should or shouldn't feel and no prescribed behaviours. Find support in friends who meet you where you at and accept you as you are. Don't allow anyone to tell you how to grieve.

3. Grief will affect you cognitively, physically and emotionally. Respect what your body and mind are asking of you and be kind to yourself. Eat well, rest often and get some exercise. Don't do anything you don't want to for as long as you need to.

4. Talk about you grief as much as you want to for as long as you want. Not talking about it is also ok. Find people who hold this space for you.

5. It is natural for grief to cause you to question your spirituality and mortality. Explore these feelings and accept the way you feel with kindness. It's natural to search for meaning in your life--the life you had planned is forever changed and it is natural to try to find a meaning. Some of these questions may be answered and some may not, but don't pay attention to cliches like "They are in a better place," or "be thankful for the time you had."

6. Grief 'bursts' are normal. You will be overcome with emotion, sometimes out of nowhere. These can be scary events, but know that its a normal part of grieving.

7. Treasure your memories. Find rituals that keep your person in your life. Find ways to memorialize them and treasure your memories of them, if this is right for you. Your relationship with your person has changed, but you will always be connected.