What to Say Instead of “Sorry for Your Loss”

What to say, what to do, and how to truly show up

When someone you love is grieving, it’s natural to feel unsure of what to say or afraid of sayi

ng the “wrong” thing. Many people fall back on familiar phrases or vague offers of help—well-intended, but not really supportive. The truth is, there are no perfect things to say. What they need is presence, honesty, and tangible care.

1. What to Say Instead of “Sorry for Your Loss”

“Sorry for your loss” is polite, but it can feel impersonal. Grief is deeply personal, and acknowledging the relationship that was lost can feel far more meaningful.

Try saying:

• I’m so sorry that your dad died. I know how much they meant to you.

• I don’t have the right words, but I’m here with you.

• This is so unfair, and I’m really sorry this is happening to you.

• Grief is so different for everyone, what have you been experiencing?

• Do you want to hang out tonight?

If you knew the person who died, naming them matters. It affirms that their life—and the grief that follows—counts.

You don’t need to fix the pain or offer perspective. Simple, honest acknowledgment is often the greatest comfort.

When you do show up, act normal. Your person can let you know if they need sympathy, practical help or just to hang out for a little touch of normalcy.

2. Instead of “Let Me Know How I Can Help,” Do These Practical Things

When someone is grieving, decision-making can feel overwhelming. Asking them to identify their needs places an unintended burden on them at a moment when their capacity is low.

Instead of offering open-ended help, make specific, concrete offers—or simply do the thing.

Practical ways to help:

• Drop off a meal

• Offer to walk the dog, feed the pets, or help with childcare

• Pick up groceries or pharmacy items

• Drive them to appointments or errands

• Help with emails, forms, or phone calls

• Sit quietly with them—no agenda, no pressure to talk

• Mow the lawn, shovel snow, or tidy the house

Try phrasing it like this:

• I’m bringing dinner on Tuesday—does 5 or 6 work better?

• I’m free Saturday morning to walk the dog or take the kids—what would help most?

• I’m going to the grocery store; what can I pick up for you?

Specific offers give a grieving person permission to say yes without having to ask.

3. What to Say and Do (and What to Avoid)

What helps:

• Listen more than you speak.

• Let them talk about the person who died. Don’t change the subject or rush them.

• Validate their feelings. Grief is not linear and doesn’t follow a timeline. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.

• Keep showing up. Weeks and months later, when support fades, your presence matters even more.

What to avoid:

• Trying to find meaning or silver linings

• Saying things like:

  • They’re in a better place

  • At least they lived a long life

  • Everything happens for a reason

  • You’ll be stronger because of this

• Giving advice unless they ask for it

• Comparing their grief to someone else’s

Grief isn’t something to move on from—it’s something people learn to live with. Your role isn’t to make it end, but to make it less lonely.

Supporting someone who is bereaved isn’t about having perfect words or knowing exactly what to do. It’s about showing up with humility, consistency, and care. Small, steady acts of kindness—spoken and unspoken—can make an enormous difference.

If you’re willing to stay present, to listen without fixing, and to offer real help without being asked, you are already doing more than you know.